US$5b for Breast Transplants

With the entire economy of America lined up in Washington to get handed free money from the Feds, few stories can be as downright bizarre as this: the US porn industry is seeking a US$5 billion bailout.

Larry Flynt, a spokesman for the industry, said

"The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine."

Actually Larry, no American should be forced to pay for breast implants and AO videos. He went on to say:

"It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

Umm, why, to both? Last time I checked, only a bed was required!

If all these bailouts are not showing Americans that their economy has been wrecked by the popular fiscal policy and quiet Keynesianism of the past half-century, I don't know what will.

Size of Govt Reaches Biblical Proportions

Despite numerous rantings and lectures about how we live in "Godzone", the below tale is a good example as to why God didn't conduct his earthly business in New Zealand.
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In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Auckland, New Zealand, as an illegal immigrant and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.'

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights'. Noah was dubious about the project, because unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights is normal in Auckland, but he knew he must bow to the will of the Lord.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his revered quarter acre section....but no ark.

'Noah', He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?' 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah. 'But things have changed. I needed a building consent from the council. I've been arguing with the Fire Service about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the zoning laws by building the Ark on my property and exceeding the height limitations. We then had to go to Arbitration for a decision.

Then the electricity companies demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. The Greens have placed a ban on cutting local timber in order to save the Kiwi. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the birds. But no go! When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Maori have forbidden the project to continue unless taniwha are permitted on the Ark and indigenous tribes own half the Ark after I have designed and built it. I also have to agree to pay $150 Billion for depriving Maori of traditional lands by means of inundation, which they allege, is simply a case of 'holy colonization'.

I am bogged down in further negotiations on multimillion payments for rights to sail the Ark on the seas of Aotearoa. Other Maori tribes have sued me because they allege the Ark is a Pakeha version of the Maori canoe and they have appealed to the Waitangi Tribunal to declare it tapu.

Then the Environmental Court ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many Maori I'm supposed to hire for my building crew and the requirement for separate female toilets in case I hire a woman. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons.

They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience, and they expect a day in lieu if we work weekends or public holidays plus holiday pay and rain allowances.

OSH has decreed each employee must be equipped with a life jacket and personal life raft even though we are building on the mountain. When I pointed this out, they made me provide ice axes and climbing boots for each employee and their families, and harnesses because I was working over 3 metres in height.

To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

At first the Labour government was in favour of my project because it created building jobs on our mountain. Then they were shocked by an opinion poll which revealed that 99% of all New Zealanders opposed a devastating flood, and after an emergency cabinet meeting, Helen Clark announced that Labour had never favoured floods as a means of solving problems and was totally opposed to the project (unless future opinion polls revealed popular support for the Ark).

She said 'God should sit down and talk sensibly about the issues'.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean, you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.

'The New Zealand Government beat me to it.

More Links for your Enjoyment

At last, rock-solid proof that voting Labour really is dangerous for your health. Instead of lining the pockets of ad agencies, simply surfing YouTube could've done the trick for other political parties campaign advertising.

Also a delightfully politically-incorrect video on social etiquette that might annoy some feminists.

For the Infidels!

A funny joke I heard today, on British weather. Turn away now if you're PC!

The Archbishop of Canterbury has partially got his way, British weather has been declared Muslim.

It's either Sunni or Shi'ite!

Top Eight For '08

There are just two hours away from the new year of 2008, and I've been tagged by PC to list my eight wishes for 2008. This year is an important one, with both the American and New Zealand elections coming up.

1) National wins the New Zealand election, hopefully with enough to govern alone. Then, John Key may summon up the guts he needs to repeal the Electoral Finance Bill, Anti-Smacking Bill, etc., and delivers much-needed tax cuts for the middle class.

2) Republican triumph in the American election, with Guliani becoming the president, hopefully to stem the tide of the increasing bureaucracy that the US government now comprises.

3) A major, popular but rational upheaval against Environmentalism occurs, and Al Gore, being increasingly denounced on the public stage, stopping all the moaning, whinging and lying.

4) A acceleration and growing of the movement against nanny state here in New Zealand, resulting in a major, final embarrassment of Labour before the election. Helen quits after the election.

5) Increasing recognition, thanks to the likes of Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Christopher Hitchens, of the threat of Islamofascists to the peace and security of the West.

6) The Burj Dubai is completed, the Chicago Spire gets well underway and several new 500m+ towers are put on the drawing board.

7) School gets a lot better after leaving the third form.

8) I finish Atlas Shrugged before the school holidays are finished, and read more of Rand's books throughout the year.

And, as an afterthought, for SOLO:

SOLO, to become a haven of tolerance and respect for all posters, with Nick Otani finally agreeing that Leonid is right after all, but only because he "is following his instincts" that this is the right thing to do.

...just kidding.

For You Americans

Here's a little joke that American libertarians would enjoy:

"If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of 'progress'?"

It ain't too far from the truth, though.

Osama "Funny", According to Some Pranksters

We all know this security in Sydney is all a bit ridiculous, especially with snipers(!) hidden away in some Sydney locations.

Naturally, a prank had to happen some time or another, eventually. So some Aussie comedians-one dressed up as Osama bin Laden-decided to try and breach security at the event, by sneaking in in a fake Canadian motorcade. They were busted when one of the pranksters jumped out and started running. All the pranksters involved are now eligible for jail time.

With the snipers at the event from obviously far-off locations where detail can't be seen too well, it's a surprise to find out they weren't literally shot on the spot.

Although it's obvious what the intentions of the pranksters are, perhaps they should think about their little Osama bin Laden disguise. He is a man who wants every single person who isn't a Muslim dead. He killed 3,000 people on September 11th, and changed the world for the worse. It is disgusting, and the Australian people shouldn't be pleased at all. Although free speech comes before the morality of a man's clothes, perhaps he should stop to think about whether is little prank is ethical, moral, or even funny at all.

The Simpsons Movie

On Saturday, for my birthday party that happened to be on the 24th, one friend and I went out with my family to see "The Simpsons Movie" in the cinema.

The Good: Political humour (aka "Itchy/Hilliary '08" at the beginning of the movie and "An Irritating Truth" was the name of Lisa's presentation about pollution in Lake Springfield, and President Schwarzenegger), the graphics were pretty good, and the general make-fun-of-everything style in The Simpsons.

The Bad: Rude humour that I can't claim to be a fan of, and it wasn't as "epic" as I've heard it was.

Altogether, the movie played out as a feature-length episode rather than a big Hollywood blockbuster. And, being a long-time Simpsons fan, it wasn't as good as I expected it to be. Still, the makers of the movie obviously worked hard to produce it, and there were indeed lots of funny parts in the movie. All in all, 7.5/10.

Stupid Left-Wing saying

A little saying is going through some far left circles at the moment:

"If you knew what communism was, you'd be a communist".

Indeed! If you knew what communism was!

Laugh of today

It's not often that Communists (or should I say, Far-Right Christian Neo-Communists) are known to be the funniest people around, but today one said a joke worthy of this blog. He said:

"If God was a Social Liberal, we wouldn't have the 'ten commandments'. We'd have the 'ten suggestions' instead!"

Welfare in New Zealand

Here's something for all of you who've been begging for a laugh recently:

Damn.

LibertyScott has something that is a bit worrying:

Blogosphere to be placed on a fair level

Uh oh.

Laugh of the Week

"Callum, as a Libertarian you can do whatever the hell you want, until you get told off for it"~Bernard Darnton (Libertarianz leader for those who don't know).